Luke was born the destitute son of a blind typography artist who hated the taste of almonds and would often rant about how trees are overrated. When Luke was of the sturdy age of 12 he set out for Kansas City Missouri to find his fortune with nothing but the clothes on his back and three fraudulent credit cards. When he couldn’t find it, he settled for a simple life hunting TikTok influencers for sport. He became surprisingly good at it and has since developed a taste for influencer blood, a thirst which can never truly be slaked.

Claire was born the heiress to a prestigious family of Phrenologists in Tanzania who only learned to swear in French and had a vendetta against the number 8. Her family fortune was sadly squandered by the time she was in high school in an ill-conceived attempt to fund a conspiracy against the hat industry, so she spent the rest of her youth counting gravel in exchange for Coke Zero’s at a local quarry while dreaming of being a real puppet someday.

Luke first stumbled into Claire outside a Ghost concert while on a fateful pilgrimage to discover the hard way why fedoras are never the right choice. She was dressed as a generic fast-food mascot and was in dire need of rescue from being accosted by a thieving wisdom of wombats. Luke asked her why she didn’t just fight off the small creatures who she could have easily overpowered, only to be told that she was afraid of getting in trouble.

While she was busy apologizing profusely to the furry little plunderers from down underers for being so difficult to rob, Luke cleverly distracted her with his encyclopedic knowledge of Shrek quotes and threw Legos at the wombats (their one weakness) and whisked her away winning her everlasting love while the wombats scattered into a local college campus.

Afte that the two were inseparable. He with his insatiable lust for human flesh, and she with her frilled crest that she would inflate whenever she got too close to a magnet. But despite their differences, it was always deez nuts that kept their love fresh and alive through allthe joys and hardships life had to offer.